Social Anxiety Disorder

Social being
It’s not me
I’d rather sit
Under a tree

Reflect on the nature
Of reality
While enjoying
A small cup of tea

In social settings
I freeze up
The fear arises
To say what’s up?

With nothing to say
I just stand there
Watching the world
With a blank stare

If there was a girl
That was a match for me
I wouldn’t even know
Because I cannot see

With lots of people
I feel a pressure
Like I need to perform
But under the weather

For the mind is sick
Going through healing
Trying to attain
A better feeling

I try to participate
But cannot flow
With the energy
That others know

I’m in my own world
Where I feel safe
Pressing outside
I feel chafe

Like there’s a friction
Between me and you
Losing awareness
Things go askew

Like the only thing
That I understand
Is mental illness
Is that my brand?

Is that how I identify?
Stuck in this box
Can’t get out
Like it’s Fort Knox

More like a jail
Have I done something wrong?
Will I be forgiven
So I can belong

Some may think
I’m cold and distant
But with the right person
I change in an instant

But why can’t I light up
With everyone I meet
This seems to be
The difficult feat

It’s like there’s nothing
No emotion
Where’s my passion?
Lost in this ocean

Something to discuss
With my peers
That isn’t based
In my fears

I know it’s on
The other side
And i’m trying to get there
With every stride

But progress is painful
So I go slow
Bit by bit
I join the show

Trying to fit in
Find my place
Sometimes it feels
Like a race

So I search
But don’t want to compete
Wanting to fall into place
Nice and neat

I know there’s a way
And I draw closer
And once I get there
I’ll have closure

Grey Area

Apathy persists
Lack of interest
Prone to isolate
I have witnessed

Thought disturbances
Where are they from?
Stuck in the mind
Sticky like gum

Spiritually inclined
Like I have no choice
Not like others
Because I hear a voice

Two sides of reality
I’m on the border
Couple that
With a mood disorder

Sometimes i feel normal
Productive in the world
But spirit calls me back
Mind unfurled

Bouncing from
One side to the next
Leaves me feeling
Quite perplexed

I’m highly sensitive
To external things
This only adds
To the mood swings

Feeling good
When creativity is flowing
I’m connected
A kind of knowing

But then it ends
To a complete stop
Hanging dry
Not even a drop

I get attached to the highs
Averse to the lows
Is this the life
That I chose?

Stuck in a pattern
Of life and death
Moving up
But losing breath

When i’m situated
On the incline
I feel i’m better
Healed and fine

But what’s inevitable
Is the decline
Moving too fast
Is the sign

Trying to find balance
Between uppers and downers
But this can lead
To close encounters

A dangerous game
For one to play
Between black and white
Is always grey

The grey area
Is the place to stay
That is the challenge
Every day

Mental Implosion

The mind is more powerful
Than one might know
It can pull us up
Or send us down below

We create our own reality
It can be ugly
Transformation becomes
Our sole responsibility

Creation comes to a halt
Lines of reality blurred
The time has come
To turn the mind inward

Anger may arise
That we don’t get our way
We must check our motivation
When we do pray

Others will reflect
Our current state of mind
Mirror-like wisdom
Will save the blind

This takes patience
Not a quick fix
Kind of like playing
Pick-up sticks

Pride may arise
We think we are better
But in the monsoon rains
We only get wetter

Pride in the heart
Far from equanimity
Not an emotion
Of equality

To realize we are one
Of the same source
That will put us
Back on course

Desire may arise
Relentless craving
Locked in a pattern
Of misbehaving

Desire in the heart
Needs never met
A vicious cycle
Can be a threat

To our happiness
We must discriminate
Between knowledge and wisdom
Lessen the weight

Jealousy may arise
Comparing one to others
Envious of them
Your very own Brothers

Jealousy in the heart
Controlling and competitive
End this pattern
For it is repetitive

Purify this emotion
That is excellence
Life will become
Much more effortless

Ignorance may arise
A form of confusion
Far from the truth
That’s the conclusion

This is delusion
Can lead to psychosis
Back where we started
Mental neurosis

Blaming others
For our pain
Look in the mirror
Once again

Turn the mind inward
The star implodes
Opening the gate
To better roads

Neural pathways
Long forgotten
Dancing in fields
Of silky cotton

Neurosis

Cursed with neurosis
Something i’m neglecting?
Not sure if i’m healing
Or disconnecting

The journey is painful
Can I reach reality?
A normalized state
Of neutrality

Can I find the place
Where i’m reconnected
One where i’m also
More protected

From paranoia
Thoughts of grandeur
Is it within grasp?
I’m not sure

Bipolar, anxiety
ADHD and schizophrenia
All these labels
Get the best of yah

All a result
Of a degenerative cerebellum
Prevents me from gaining
A kind of momentum

The brain can change
Form of plasicity
So I can find
That tranquility

Several kinds
Of medication
Yoga, breathing
And meditation

I find it exhausting
To go outside
So I pray at home
For a guide

Sometimes I feel
Like i’m losing control
But maybe this is part
Of reaching the goal

Relax into the moment
Time to surrender
Even when it’s like
My mind is in a blender

Dancing between
Sanity and insanity
Life of a mystic
Like those in Christianity

Grabbing the wheel tight
Controlling the show
But all I can do
Is just let go

The 5 Wisdoms

The ones that play God
Fight for power and control
They leave a trail of blood
For that is the toll

They must use their power wisely
Or they are destined to fall
Into the hell realms they created
As they built up their wall

The Demi-Gods want attention
They have succumb to jealousy
They want to have better
The Gods are who they want to be

They consider you a friend
When you partake in their game
But no one will catch you
When you lose your beauty and fame

The humans also suffer
From excessive activity
Rooted in personal desire
Material things are a necessity

Constantly moving
A slave to the senses
Until one wakes up
To realize it’s senseless

The animals lack intelligence
Due to circumstances or choice
They may be gentle and loving
But lacking a voice

Others will kill
The nature of the wild
Survival of the fittest
Even for the child

Hungry ghosts suffer greatly
Nothing will satisfy
Even the water consumed
Leaves one feeling empty and dry

Legs have thinned
Bellies protrude
Stuck in extremes
Result of wrong attitude

Samsara is ugly
This we must see
Needless suffering
It’s insanity

We’ve created this reality
Somewhat of an art
But based on ignorance
We lost touch with our heart

The heart is the key
To unlock the mind
Of limitless potential
So we can begin to unwind

The knots of Samsara
Within you and me
Begin to float
In the extraordinary

New Reality

Disconnect from reality
This is psychosis
An unstable mind
This is neurosis

The heart is heavy
The soul is lost
To get it back
What is the cost

A set of beliefs
Forms a foundation
Are mine unhealthy
Or is it the whole nation

Those that are content
Don’t question the system
Because this very reality
Is what makes them

But as we evolve
More disconnect
From an outdated structure
That the old protect

Those that don’t let go
Are destined to perish
As they will get eaten
By the bigger fish

It is nothing more
Than a new reality
Where everyone is equal
It’s called equality

As we iron out the glitches
That stretch far and wide
Don’t forget how it started
It was the pride

Cross Roads Freestyle

I’ve reached a cross road
One leads to sanity
The other insanity
Which ones which
I don’t know
How do I grow
Do I go up high
Or down low
It feels like a riddle
Left or right
Up or down
I choose the middle
The access point
The key to the kingdom
I have no guide
But faith and feeling
Prayer and heart
It’s like an art
Mastered in time
Space and time
Time melts in space
I wonder aimlessly
People stare
Curiosity
In the city
See through the illusion
Master the fusion
Between left right up down
There’s the crown
Above the head of all
That answered the call
Single-pointed focus
Hit the mark
Opposite of sin
Begin to grin
Penetrate the world
Find a girl
Already in
No separation
Persuasion
Action and passion
Energize the thighs
Listen to the sighs
Release what’s not real
Now you can feel
Feel the Love
High vibration
Meditation
Natural high
Cutting down the wall
For the benefit of all